"I, Mother..."
AMY
This is the current physical representation of ‘me’.
At 34, I’m in awe of what this body can do and what it has done. This is the body that went through hell in it’s younger days. The body that was expected to be wheelchair bound at sixteen. The body that no one thought much of in terms of child bearing. The body that said a big “fuck you” to pretty much everyone and bore two bright, healthy babies. BIG babies at that.
I can’t believe it. I. CAN. NOT. BELIEVE. IT.
This is my fifth Mother’s Day and I want to say a very big ‘thank you’ to my body. Flawed and flawless. This body has done me well and owes me nothing. I sure hope to occupy it for a few more years to see what happens next.
CHRISTINE
Dearest Life Vehicle (aka my bod):
It’s taken a while for me to accept that you are So Much More than how you look. Stretching, changing, aging, I Know I’ve been hard on you. I’m sorry for picking you apart, comparing you to others. Yet you continue to thrive and work, I really do Love You, you’re so damn resilient ! Thank You for growing and carrying a wee human! A shoutout to my sweet and sensitive c-section scar, you are badass badge of honour. And yes you too, long nipples, you’re not exactly what you ‘used to be’ and that is AOK because I love you just the same, Thank You for feeding our babe as long as you did! And so now, dearest bod, let us join forces and ride out the rest of this incredible life experience together ️
TERESA
To this beautiful, strong and wise body of mine. You have carried my soul around for 40 years, and for that I am truly grateful. It has not always been an easy ride. We spent many years in conflict with me desperately trying to control how you looked, while desperately trying to ignore how you felt. I had no idea just how wise you were. How much you loved me. You have carried me on more adventures than I can name. You have received love and hugs and shown me passion. You have taught me pain which has reminded me of my strength. You have given me a beautiful son for which I will forever be grateful. I’m sorry. I’m sorry it took me so long to love you, but now that I do I will never stop. I accept you. I accept that you need me to fuel you and let you rest and In return you will allow me to continue growing. You will allow me to play and dance and work and do all of the things that I want to do. Thank you. I love you.
MONA
This is me
41. No makeup, hair tied away from tiny hands, functional breastfeeding top, leggings. If I had seen myself this way a year ago I would have cringed. Today I look in the mirror and I see a fiercely proud woman, unafraid of being in a state of motherhood. Thanks to this amazing body and everything she can do, I have a family, a means to care for them, and the confidence to be mother even when I don’t know what I’m doing. This body knows things I don’t. She knows her limits are farther than I think they are. She knows by instinct what to do when I logically don’t. She knows how to nurture her baby in ways I don’t. She knows how to be a woman separate from being a mom. She knows her strengths, her beauty and the ugly truth of life that is just so damn beautiful. Thank you for this gorgeous life.
SPOMENKA
Thank you body. You are a strong and capable masterpiece a work of art. Whatever had been thrown at us we have taken and adapted and grown into this work of art today and onwards. Thank you for 31 years and counting. I want to say thank you for working on the fight with me and always working hard. Sorry I judge us harshly and compare myself to others. You and me have done a lot.
SAARA
I’m about 6 months pregnant in this photo. This body would carry us through a smooth pregnancy and birth—it truly was the most remarkable and singular experience of my life.
This body did everything it needed to keep us healthy through to full-term (and then some), it got us through a long labour, and my postpartum recovery, it sustains us and continues to provide us both with comfort.
No journey to and through motherhood is simple or easy but I’ll forever regard my body with awe and reverence, and I really couldn’t ask for more.
JENNY
Thank you for being my everything. Thank you for comforting me when I’m sad, sometimes I’m not good to you and let you get the worst of me. Thank you for being resilient, you underwent two very intense c-sections and still here you are in one piece. Thank you for being my home, you let me decorate you however I please and you never tell me how much you may not like it. As we grow together on our journey it is time I take a turn in our path and accept that I need to be kinder to you and continue loving you. You have always been there for me and now I need to be there for you.
If you put the needs of others above your own, you are a mother.
Being a mother is something YOU do. It’s not, in my opinion, something your body does. Of course there are times when I get feeling down over stuff I physically cannot do, so this day serves as an important reminder to appreciate what has been done.
I put the call out over social media asking for more Moms to join in on this post and the response was fantastic! Interest was high, then came the premise: “it’s a Thank You note to our bodies. So I want people to share a picture of their bodies and a note saying thanks. However you are comfortable. The picture is JUST you. No kids.”
That’s when the interest dried up. Some saying that the concept was “scary. I don’t know if I can do it”, and “I’m incredibly bigger than normal now”, “I hate my body and don’t even like when my husband can see it.”
Wherever you stand in terms of your body, please make sure you say ‘thanks’ to it once in a while. If you are deeply unhappy with your body, I strongly encourage you to talk about that with someone. Explore that. Work on it. Our bodies are miracle machine. A mother’s especially. They owe us no favours and yet, look what they’ve done! Mother’s Day is a real, raw date of self-reflection to me. I don’t always like what I see but I can appreciate the magic. It is there. It’s in my son and daughter. It’s in yours, too.
Happy Mother’s Day.
Aurora's Birth Story
This pregnancy was similar to my last, with little Everett born January 2015. Long, hard and gross. Very gross. I think I was sicker than I've ever been with little R in my tummy. I was hospitalized (briefly) with strep throat and had countless viral infections (mmm... pink eye, multiple times). Happy to say little R made it through and appears to be one happy and healthy babe, but we're skipping ahead here...
Unlike with Everett, Aurora was a planned baby. Ryan and I knew we wanted another child. Our families knew. Work knew. It was thoroughly planned and lucky for us, it didn't take long to conceive. I'll admit it: a planned pregnancy is a little less exciting than an unplanned one! I had been taking the vitamins, laying off the sauce and habitually peeing on sticks for a couple months before the wonderful confirmation came.
Like I said before, the actual pregnancy on me was rough but since baby was doing okay in my belly the doctor thought that attempting VBAC (vaginal birth after C-section) might be a good idea. It is said to lessen recovery time among other things. Though I wasn't super into the idea of VBAC based on what had happened during Everett's birth (emergency C-section/a whirlwind story), the idea of going for it naturally was still somewhat appealing and a shortened recovery time was definitely up my alley. I did have another baby (Everett, 2 years and 2 months) at home, after all.
We had discussed this early on and I had months to do some research and really make an informed decision. All the while, I was working full time. I know, I know. I work on the radio. It's not a physically intense job by any stretch but believe me... When you're exhausted, your brain & mouth don't tend to work as well as they used to and I was exhausted! Sure beat being unemployed though - as was the case when I was preggo with E. That was another level of stress I'm very happy I didn't have to deal with this time 'round.
“Birth is a trip. It’s a mental, physical and emotional journey that is personal to every person who experiences it first hand.”
I stopped working at the end of February. The plan was to schedule a C-section but to be open to VBAC if I went into labour early and things were looking good. Baby was measuring big (85th percentile) near the end which made the possibility of delivering her naturally seem very, very frightening for me. I'm little and she, like her brother, was BIG.
Nearing my C-section date I got very "inside my head" about all the things that could go wrong. I was thinking a lot about death; what if she didn't make it? What if I didn't make it? What if we both died? I was also worrying a lot about how this new addition to the family was going to affect little Everett. My first baby! Our little surprise who quickly became my whole friggin' world; how was he going to react to a new baby? Would I love him less? How could I make sure everyone got the right amount of love and attention?
So many unanswered questions and I was also freaked out about going into labour naturally and having to experience a vaginal delivery I didn't really want to have but does choosing a repeat C make me lazy? A bad mom? Am I robbing baby of a natural entry into this life? Seriously. These are the thoughts that were going through my mind which is why, nearing her arrival, I blocked out all baby talk. My apologies to those of you whose text messages and e-mails I didn't return.
March 20th... the wait is over.
Ryan and I headed to the hospital for an 8AM check in. While waiting for a room in Labour and Deliv. we bumped into the OB who'd be delivering our baby. Shout out to Dr. Garber, by the way, who was totally right about a scheduled C-section being a wildly different experience than an unscheduled or emergent one. He was on his way to deliver a baby (via C) the hard way. That news kinda helped to calm my nerves. I made it through a difficult C with Everett, so today should be a slice of cake, right?
Velia was the first nurse who helped us out once we made it to the pre-op/waiting room. She is really awesome and I told her about this blog so "HI VELIA - If you're reading this - you were one of the best parts of our journey!" I got a little queasy and had to lay down when the IV went in. Yes, I hate needles. Muchly.
8AM... 9AM... 10AM... we were joined by another couple (separated by a curtain) awaiting their C-section. Knowing other people are undergoing the same scary thing as me has always been something I found calming. I was also watching the clock because I had asked my coworkers at the radio station to put on a special song for Aurora's arrival, scheduled for sometime between 12PM and 1PM.
Shortly after 12PM we were escorted into the OR. Well, I was. Ryan had to wait until the anesthetist said it was okay. I've never WALKED into an operating room before so this was a first! The room was intimidating to say the least but I knew I wasn't the first who'd be experiencing this today. Shortly after hopping up onto the bed, I asked the medical staff to tune the radio to 106.1 CHEZ. You see, during Everett's birth I asked the same and got to rock out to an epic playlist during his spontaneous arrival. I was really into the music and not working for Rogers Radio at the time so it was quite the keepsake when Robin (Harper) and Steve (Colwill) answered my request for the playlist.
You don't see much when you're lying there so it was very nice when Ryan was let in. It was also super nice to know the person heading the surgery! Last time was a major blur - it all ended well, but it was really scary in comparison.
Everything below my breasts was warm and fuzzy and then completely numb. The time between going numb and the countdown to baby's first cry I find the most intense... You know it's ON and your life's going to change within the next 30-45 minutes.
There was a lot of pushing, pulling and talking with the staff. Everyone in there was great and, just like I told them pre-op, I forgot most of their names. Except Heather! Heather was there during E's delivery and she actually remembered me thanks to the radio connection.
Aurora "Rory" Stardust joined the outside world on March 20th at 13:13 weighing 8lb 6oz to U2's New Year's Day.
Her brother, Everett was born January 9th at 11:11 weighing 9lb 6oz to AC/DC's Dirty Deeds (Done Dirt Cheap).
The whole procedure was a truly great experience. She came out a beautiful, healthy baby girl and I managed to pull through okay. There might be some scar tissue ickiness going forward with it being my second C-section so this will be my last birthing rodeo. Like - FOR SURE.
Everything I was told about scheduled C-sections was absolutely true. It was a cool, calm and collected experience - POST OP. Prior to, I was anything but cool, calm and collected. Birth is a trip. It's a mental, physical and emotional journey that is personal to every person who experiences it first hand. I dealt with it on my terms this time and am absolutely grateful to the staff at the Civic Hospital, Dr. Garber and his team, Velia (that heated blanket you gave us in recovery is possibly the greatest invention ever) and the staff in the Mother Baby unit who took such stellar care of us.
Friends and family - thank you for the support you've given us over the past several months. Thank you for allowing me to ignore you, to hermit and to have the experience I wanted to have. I put myself (and baby) first and highly recommend you do the same if you are on or planning to begin your own birth journey.
A special shout out to Robin and Jacki from CHEZ for sending me Rory's playlist which you can see by CLICKING HERE.
Personal Post Alert!
Today is the day I finally have my weird "skull bump" scanned and tested. I have had this abnormal lump on the top of my head for as long as I can remember and over the past month or so, it has grown. Needless to say, that's a little concerning.
I've never really worried about it too much. I thought people just had bumpy skulls sometimes. Apparently my "thing" is not normal. So. I mean.
We'll see?
My ultrasound is this afternoon - and yes, I will be impatiently awaiting the official results. Feeling a little anxious. Had to post about it! Hope it's nothing.
Some people are just bumpy, right?
UPDATE: Technician says it is nothing to worry about. Only a weird bump that brings the skull very close to the surface. He showed me multiple images and now I'm alarmed at how big the curve/lump is! But no longer concerned for other, more sinister reasons.
*phew*
Calgon, take me away (to Nordik)!
I'm 30. I've lived in Ottawa for 12 years and I've never been to Nordik Spa-Nature in Chelsea (Quebec).
Lucky for me, that all changed the fateful day they decided to follow me on Twitter...
Thanks for the follow @NordikSpaNature! I've never EVER been to Nordik but always hear the most wonderful things. ✌🏻️
— Amy Volume (@amyvolume) June 9, 2016
My first time at Nordik was juuuuuust right. Ryan & I started with the Thermal experience. You can choose this package ($51 Mon.-Thurs./$61 Fri.-Sun.) to have access to the saunas, spas and relaxation areas. This is the one most people go for at Nordik. You could easily spend an entire day going from spa to pool, sauna to relaxation in whatever order you want (though "hot - cool - hot - rest" is recommended).
Personally, I'm not huge on saunas. I did enjoy the Finlandia sauna. It was large and offered window seating (which I took full advantage of and lay down). I found this sauna the best for breathing and comfort as smaller, hotter saunas send me into some weird anxiety "I CAN'T BREATE IN HERE" panic (best to avoid).
The Tellura area was also pretty awesome. You lay down in a sauna like room on hot stone (quartz) slabs. While laying on stone slabs may not sound very comfortable, the heat of the room and radiating warmth from the stone is very calming.
Nordik's Källa treatment is the second of it's kind in the world. Källa offers unparalleled serenity in it's silent, underground setting. Guests can achieve total relaxation as theyfloat weightlessly in pure water saturated with 12% Epsom salts.
Nordik Spa-Nature's Källa Treatment
- Purifies body
- Improve blood circulation
- Accelerate wound healing
- Stimulates creativity
- Reduces stress
- Releases physical and intellectual tensions
- Reduces inflammation
The Källa treatment can be added on to your Thermal experience for an extra $40 and is also available as a stand alone service. Click the photo above for more information.
Since Ryan and I chose to go during the day (10am-2:30pm) we didn't go all out on a fancy meal at the restaurant but we did have some light lunch at the Panorama Lounge. The food and service were amazing. They have a great selection of fresh vegetarian options, too!
My favourite part of our four hours at Nordik was actually spent in Kaskad (the total silence zone) in the Ëdena (forest beach) area. They have these large floating beds at the back where you can easily drift off listening to the sound of waves. Just as the sun was peeking out, we lay there for a while after the Källa treatment.
All in all, I highly recommend making the 20 minute drive from downtown Ottawa to Chelsea's beautiful Nordik Spa-Nature. See for yourself why North America's largest spa is the go to getaway for so many people. Treat yourself to a mini vacation today!